i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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