If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
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walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
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Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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