So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
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Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
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had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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