found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
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I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
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That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I think I just sharted jello shots
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