No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
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By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
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Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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