he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
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He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
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