Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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