I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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