You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
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Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
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i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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