Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize