6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize