I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in your delicious
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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