If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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