honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
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Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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