Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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