why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize