So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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