Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My pussy is not your playground.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize