Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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