Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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