Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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