dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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