come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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