I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize