She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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