people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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