Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
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