Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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