I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
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I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
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Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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