So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
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That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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