our cab driver is having phone sex.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
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i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
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We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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