Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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