So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize