I cannot find my penis.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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