how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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