you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
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I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My life is pants optional.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize