She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize