u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
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I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
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I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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