i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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