naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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