Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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