DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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