can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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