She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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