so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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