he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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