we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize