Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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