Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize