i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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